La Salut de Kaid

Unbelivable feeling

Great party indeed! Mengli, Yali, Xiuli, Hejun, Chuncai, Chongchong, Keshuai, Xinyi, thanks, thank you very much my dear friends, for having such a wonderful time together, though we have only known each other for no more than a month, but your sincerity really moved me deeply.

Yep, sincerity is without price.

I was once too young to be sincere, and wondering I will once be too mature to be sincere. Now I got to know, sincere is the most shining badge of matureness, and is the most precious gift we can present.

Lack of proper logic and gists

There is an old chinese saying, "Bragging without a draft."

And I find, though brags needn't drafts, but talking do.

I gave two talks at the morning conferences of my continuity training this two mornings. Two brief talks. Two awful talks indeed. I haven't got any preparation for them, so either no proper logic or gists, and is frustrating as merited. On one hand, this is also my procrastination problem, on the other hand, scattered thoughts—concentrating problem.

I think this is mostly due to my procrastination. I should get prepared for my tasks, but everytime I procrastinated. I spent too much time sitting before my computer, doing nothing. Just aimlessly moving my mouse, tapping on my keyboard, and navigating from one page to another.

Everything matters,  no brushing over. So making drafts for even briefest talks, getting prepared for even smallest tasks.

Goodbye my quitting friends

I saw some of my fellows are leaving, I feel the same pressure as them. Being nervous, worried and even afraid.

I don't want to quit so easy, I won't put my leaving plan before getting what I desired from this job.

And to my quitting friends, I'm sorry to see you are leaving. And, this is your choice, you are doing what you want, and no one is going to stop you. Hope you all good luck.

And fluctuation

Just got two phone calls from Mrs Ren, she told me that there might be some trouble with this coming job. It reminds me some hints that Mr Duan gave me this morning, and what the brief talk between Mrs Li and Mr Song implies.

And I got uneasy again. 

Why I got nervous so easy recently? Am I having too much expectation on this?

And I noticed I'm continuously emphasizing some passive words. I did have some serious problems that I have to meet head-on.

And my sweaty hands.

Complaining too much

I might be complaining too much.

My dear training classmates, they are now my colleagues. I'm watching their chatting in IM. They may be the most excellent people I've met in recent years. Just, so brave, encouraging, lovely, and most important—honest.

They are also facing the same problems I mentioned. Unlike my anxiety and unpleasantness, they treat all the coming uncertainty rather actively.

And finally they remind me His words:

By the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread.

Pre-service training finished

To tell the truth, I'm a bit disappointed with this coming field job.

Like what I've talked at twitter, the growing mainland's insurance market is still a bit chaotic. From what I've come across in my training course, I found the field job recruitments of the insurance companies yet another mess. They claim they have most specialized teams, but what I've seen is less profession. There are so many poor reviews on their custom service, this is totally due to the unprofessionality of their poor field service men.

Another problem is, there are rumours and defamings everywhere amongst the companies.

And salvation

Yes, Salvation. 

How could one achieve his or her salvation? Sadly, there is no single salvation.

When we talk about salvation, we are also talking humanity. Humanity, is the collectivity of our human nature. Hence no one can really salve himself or herself without the salvation of the whole humanity.

This is a test, a trial, and a doomed destiny.

My first pre-employment training

Last week, I was having an interview in this life insurance company, persuading my interviewers. And today, I spent a whole day in the training room of their Henan headquarter.

In fact, I'm still a little bit confused about this job: This is a good opportunity to achieving my maturity. On the other hand, I'm still having some undescribable fear(this is unpleasant, and a bit frustrating), to the coming uncertainty. Maybe I'm still not very sure if I was suitbale for this job, or I'm really afraid of some possible disapproval and failure.

It seems this is a kind of obsession, about fulfilling others' expectations. I'm so anxious about all that. This is also a morbid perfectionism, or just a hybrid of the two.

There are still 9 days and a half to go, and my insurance agent license exam.

Why I start this blog

Recently, I refound the direction to my salvation, and I feel His enlightenment more clearly, though still I could not understand, or even aware of most signs He's given.

We're born to learn, since He gave us the chance to gradually reveal the whole thing running behind the virtuality, the Truth. We're born to be loved, even when worst time comes, there's Light shining still—maybe wavering, but never dies out. We're born to be tainted, humanity needs salvation even from the very beginning of our history. Some ones say we are cursed, there are violence, death, and catastrophes, we are doomed, and abandoned. It's not Him who doomed us, He never abandoned us, either. We are doomed by our tainted humanity, we abandoned the chances He's providing to stand by His side.

We're tempted to use violence. We're blessed to have death. Catastrophes are tests and trials to our nature.

Trying to write something a bit longer

After long time of twittering scattered words, I find my language skill is also being so scattered. Writing's never been my strong suit, and repeatedly doing this social 140-character stuff made it even worse.When I'm thinking about some longer writings,  each word I type seems a misery to me, especially I'm facing some concentrating and procrastination problems.

Oh, I have to finish here, since I can not think out any longer ideas.